It's been a month on overflow. I had these personal commitments around my work life and plans for coming phases of it that I needed to work on each evening after work, some changes to how I manage my personal time for creativity, fitness, and intentionality, a huooooge bunch of family times that I enjoyed and had been pledged, but that had to fit in around all that.
I feel like everything is about TIME, TIME, TIME and paradoxically, I am at long last and after much prodding taking up a meditation program. Which I clearly need (BE MINDFUL OF THE PRESENT floating over my head in fiery letters) and at which I currently suck.
Meditation consists of the things that I am stupid at, like living in my body and being with my emotions and letting go of suffering and verbosity, and right now, I am a big ball of RESISTANCE. I'm resisting like the French Resistance, like a mutant virus overcoming your big damn cure, like an insulating thingie resisting all that nasty electricity.
But what I do know is that usually all that commotion signals I have gotten somewhere near the top of a thicketed slope, and am about to come out into clearer ground.
I think.
Maybe.
Wait, I'm not supposed to be about getting meditation "right"? DAMMIT.
Trotting back to starting line again.
